Sex Guide For the Bride

Rajneesh’s Parents arjneesh’s Parents arranged his marriage after he passed his M.B.B.S. On the first night itself, his wife Neetu fled to her parental home. On asking her, she said that she could not remain married to Rajneesh. She described him as abnormal, indecent and a pervert. This was because neetu did not have any idea about the sexual relationship. For her, merely listening to the verbal description of the sexual act was enough to repulse neetu. She became hysterical, every time her parents persuaded her to go back to Rajneesh. She needed psychiatric treatment. The marriage failed. Rajneesh got married a year later to another girl and got an understanding partner. neetu remained single.

Need for a fresh outlook

This is a classic example of the consequences of ignorance or even incorrect knowledge about sex and the devastating effect it can have on marital life. Sex is an indelible part of every marriage. It is an natural instinct gifted to us unasked, that introduces a passionate proximity between a couple and infuses fire in their relationships. It is as normal and healthy as any other function of the body.

Yet, a certain orthodoxy, feelings of self-doubt, our inadequacies, an uneasiness born of over-protection, prevent us from imparting to our daughters, the basic truths about nature’s way to procreate. The bride thus remains unprepared for the big moment when she should let herself surrender to the sensations, that courses through her body and open a wonderful new world for her to explore.

She reins in her emotions, when she should unleash them, controls her innate impulses when she should rejoice in her newfound sensuality and vacillates between agony and ecstasy. She is aware of the force that ignites the latent passions, knows that she can give it till it hurts but has yet to be comfortable in her own skin. She has inhibitions to shed, unanswered questions, an increasing curiosity, an inexplicable fear that wilt her and threaten her marriage.

It is time, sex was looked as a healthy expression of a powerful energy, that resides within us, which has the capacity to bring us into contact with our innermost needs and sensations, caresses and coaxes, our physical being to get in touch with our emotional self and helps us celebrate life as we have never did before.

It is only when we stop fighting against nature, that we can hope for relationships to survive, work to be more fulfilling, and marriages to work. Then, there will be no room for anxiety, depression, guilt or self-condemnation. It is time we erased the discomfort, the uneasiness and the angst.

Often, parents are the ones who are responsible for breeding ignorance among their children. They are far from forthcoming and their unwillingness to speak or educate their children stems from social taboos. In Alka’s case, her lack of readiness and preparation, her protected and conservative background, her being kept away form all sexual inputs consciously, sounded the knell of what could have been a fruitful nuptial bliss.

Preparing the mind

Even the young girls face a mental block towards sex, as during the growing up years, they are constantly told that sex is dirty and immoral. The constant badgering of a negative feeling towards sex ensures that the ritual of marriage does not necessarily make it acceptable overnight. The female mind is generally more inclined to softer and gentler aspects of romance in the man-woman relationship rather than a carnal indulgence.

The need of the hour is to be responsible enough to prepare young brides for this sensitive and intimated aspect of their lives by giving them a healthy and balanced understanding of sex and doing away with prejudices. It is imperative that they become uncomfortable with their sexuality, before tying the knot with a stranger.

After all, lack of sex education and the resistance by school and college authorities can lead to half-baked knowledge. The repercussions could be pre-marital indulgence, wanton behavior, sexual abuse, pre-marital abortion, unwanted pregnancies, emotional trauma, a contraction of AIDS – the dreaded disease, and later, an unsuccessful marriage.

The loss of virginity in the Indian milieu is an issue of such sensitivity, that it can distort all perceptions and breed contempt for the girl. The price that one has to pay for sexual freedom could result in permanent damage to emotional health and well-being, vulnerability to the corrupt messages delivered by the print and electronic media alike and a confusion about the new liberated form of deviant sexuality, the goes under the guise of sexual freedom.

The buffer is the readiness of a society to impart healthy and legitimate information about sex and sexuality, an openness that fosters understanding and acceptance, a sex guide that helps the young to come face to face with their bodily needs and makes relationships meaningful.

The need for pre-marital Counseling

Strangely, when a marriage is arranged, the concerned families take their decision on the basis of horoscopes, religious and financial backgrounds, but perhaps never ascertain the physical and emotional compatibility of the couple which are practical and realistic grounds. A more serious approach towards marriage is required, as it is one of the most important decisions of our life. Blood group matching is of paramount significance.

For a great sex life, a healthy and clean body is a pre-requisite. Blood counts, biochemistry, semen analysis for the groom, blood groups, X-rays, sonography of the reproductive organs, specialized testing for AIDS, Hepatitis B, venereal diseases, thalassaemia, etc should be checked. Having undergone these, youngsters will definitely to able to tie the nuptial knot with more confidence and self-esteem and start their new relationship on a more sound footing.

Research shows that men and women have strong and equal sexual urges and it is the responsibility of both to fulfill each other’s needs and respect each other’s needs and feelings. Satisfaction and dissatisfaction of sex can contribute to the attitudes and behavior of both partners towards each other.

Sexual activity is not meant only for procreation. A gratifying sexual life imparts pleasure, enjoyment and a sense of well being. It is the most effective means of intimate communication, bonding and expression of love for each other. To create this comfortable camaraderie between partners, openness in thought, word and action is essential. Only then can feelings of pain or pleasure that the sexual activity causes can be communicated.